In the vast tapestry of human experience, few qualities have as profound an impact on our success and inner peace as resilience. Resilience is the superpower child within us. The whisper encourages us when we falter, the gentle nudge to stand up after a fall, and the robust strength propels us forward when the winds of adversity blow fierce and cold. Imagine a mighty oak tree, roots anchored deep against the swirling winds of change. Or a delicate flower, pushing through a crack in the sidewalk, reaching stubbornly toward the sun. These images capture the essence of resilience – the ability to bend without breaking, find hope in the darkest hours, and emerge from adversity even more potent.
History’s pages overflow with tales of extraordinary resilience. Think of Nelson Mandela, imprisoned for decades, who emerged to guide a nation toward unity and forgiveness. Or Malala Yousafzai, the young girl shot for championing the right to education, who became a global voice for change.
“Do not judge me by my successes; judge me by how many times I fell and got back up again.” — Nelson Mandela.
These are extreme examples, yet resilience lives within each of us. It’s the mother facing financial hardship, working tirelessly to keep her children safe and fed. It’s the student overcoming learning differences to achieve their dreams. It’s the athlete enduring a career-threatening injury, fighting their way back to the top. The Itsy Bitsy Spider is a lesson in perseverance! This little spider never gives up! No matter how often the rain washes him down the spout, he gets up and tries again. But resilience is more than perseverance.
Resilience is about being Realistic
The spider’s journey is fruitless until it realizes it must climb only when it stops raining. Too often, we are so engrossed in our outcomes that we do not pause to read the tea leaves. Frequently, people in stressful situations struggle with problems they can’t control while also missing chances to solve issues because they wrongly think there’s nothing they can do. The critical skill here is knowing what you can control and can’t. What can you change right now? What can’t you change?
What you can change all the time is your perspectives and assumptions. My blog about “A Reality Check” points out that all the realities are outside our brains. Understanding this, a resilient mind will adjust the internal models to match reality. Refusing to accept this makes one either continue on an unfruitful journey or become depressed and sullen.
Viktor Frankl, an eminent Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, endured the brutal Nazi occupation of Austria. By the age of 37, when he was thrust into the harrowing confines of concentration camps, he had already dedicated his professional life to psychiatry and neurology, with a particular focus on treating suicidal individuals. Armed with profound psychological insights, he possessed the essential mental fortitude to manage his circumstances as much as possible. Frankl explains in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” that we must change ourselves when we can’t change a situation. Facing challenges can give us a purpose, especially if we want to live a life where we tackle challenging tasks.
Resilience is about Adaptation
Asope’s tale about the mighty oak tree emphasizes this concept. A mighty oak stood proudly beside a brook filled with slender reeds. As the wind whipped, the reeds bowed while the oak remained rigid. “You bend too easily,” scoffed the oak. “We bend to survive,” replied the reeds.
Suddenly, a hurricane tore through the land. The unyielding oak was uprooted and crashed while the reeds, with their humble flexibility, remained unharmed.
Resilience is primarily an emotional and psychological concept. In contrast, adaptability is more behavioral since it involves adopting certain behaviors in response to change. However, they are interconnected. Resilience is about being able to handle unexpected or challenging circumstances. The key here is expectations vs. reality. A setback happens when expectations do not match reality. An adaptive mindset can overcome this setback. But it requires two other components:
- The ability to notice change. This is about mindfulness.
- The ability to find new approaches and alternatives to respond to this change.
Research[1] suggests a feedback loop is formed when these components work together, increasing resilience.
Resilience is about being Optimistic
In their seminal work, “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges,” Charney and Southwick (2018) explain optimism as a hopeful outlook on the future, believing that things will work out well. They explore the pivotal role of optimism in empowering individuals to navigate adversities effectively and cultivate enduring resilience.
Studies[2] reveal that resilient individuals often exhibit pronounced positivity and optimism, surpassing those with lower resilience. They possess a robust capacity to manage their emotions and sustain their optimistic outlook, even in the face of severe adversity. Optimism profoundly impacts the body by boosting immune system function. Much scientific evidence[3] now suggests optimists are less susceptible to contagious diseases than pessimists. Habitual pessimism is linked to diminished immune responses, in contrast to the enhanced immunological health observed in optimists. This correlation holds irrespective of overall physical health or transient emotional conditions.
Why aren’t folks Resilient?
In the iconic 1950s television sitcom “Leave It to Beaver,” the narrative subtly conveys that realities beyond the tranquil Cleaver household are deceptive and unstable, positioning family as a bastion against the world’s moral decay. In our contemporary era, children grapple with escalating stress, pressure, and expectations, which have precipitated an alarming increase in childhood depression, health issues, and educational hurdles. However, comprehensive scientific studies[4,5] focusing on children facing formidable adversities underscore the paramount significance of resilience for their positive growth—an aspiration most parents cherish.
We all agree on the importance of raising resilient children, regardless of our beliefs. Knowing what needs to be done and doing it are different challenges. Many perceive the world as increasingly hostile for raising children, but the idea of isolating our families with higher walls and locked doors is impractical. Blaming the surrounding anti-family culture, which we all contribute to, doesn’t ease our fears about the hardships our children might face.
To cultivate resilience, we must pivot from attempting to alter the world to transforming our parenting approaches. It is essential to acknowledge that all children, including those not burdened by substantial stressors, require deliberate support. Despite their best intentions, numerous parents may lack the knowledge or execution of methods that foster resilience. Embracing a parenting philosophy centered on nurturing resilience is crucial for equipping children to confront future adversities with confidence, intentionality, and compassion.
Developing Resilience
No matter what age group you belong to – psychological resilience can be developed. This is our mind’s neuroplasticity. By employing robust coping strategies, you can cultivate resilience, enabling you to endure, adapt, and rebound from stress and adversity—preserving or restoring positive mental health and well-being. Resilience isn’t about dodging stress but mastering the art of flourishing amidst it.
Resilience can be achieved through five focal points: self‐awareness, purpose, mindfulness, positive relationships, and self‐care. By strengthening these five areas of self-improvement, we can become more resilient and, as a result, be equipped to manage the stress in our lives.
Self-awareness embodies the profound understanding of one’s character, encompassing strengths, vulnerabilities, emotions, and driving forces. With a firm grasp of your capabilities and areas needing enhancement, you can strategically adapt, pursue additional knowledge as needed, and make informed choices that resonate with your authentic self. Self-awareness enables adaptability.
A purpose in life embodies a profound, enduring commitment to achieving significant goals personally and universally. This sense of purpose molds our perspectives and interactions, fostering a deep understanding of our role in something greater than ourselves. It catalyzes optimism and gives meaning to our existence, empowering us to impact the world around us substantially.
Mindfulness is the powerful capacity to remain immersed entirely and conscious of our current environment and activities without succumbing to excessive reactions or becoming engulfed by surrounding disturbances. Each instance in which you engage fully with your sensory experiences signifies an act of mindfulness. Embracing such a practice can significantly enhance resilience and adaptability in challenging circumstances, reducing the intensity of adverse experiences.
- Positive relationships are the cornerstone of resilience, embodying robust, nurturing bonds that provide support and care. The caliber of these close, personal connections ranks among the most vital factors in cultivating resilience. Engaging with a supportive network reassures us that we are not isolated in our challenges, alleviating stress and enhancing our ability to cope during tough times. These bonds empower us to surmount adversity and fortify our resilience.
Self-care is a personal journey, embodying proactive measures to enhance or preserve our well-being. It demands a deliberate commitment to nurturing ourselves. Integrating straightforward yet potent practices like regular exercise, hobbies, and meaningful interactions with friends significantly benefits our mental and physical health. These activities catalyze the release of endorphins, mitigate stress, and foster resilient self-esteem and habits that fortify us during challenging times.
To forge the resilience and grit essential for continuous advancement, it’s crucial to establish a robust personal foundation. Envision this foundation as a mental bastion, safeguarding you from the corrosive doubt cast by skeptics and your disheartening thoughts. It is essential to surround yourself with allies—those who uplift rather than undermine, who offer encouragement and steadfast support as you chase your ambitions. Yet, the cornerstone of your strength must be your unwavering self-support. There will be moments when you must actively shower yourself with positive affirmations. Believe in yourself more passionately than anyone else could. The narratives you craft in your mind are significant. Let them be tales of encouragement and constructive criticism rather than narratives of destruction.
Above all, embrace the falls as part of the journey. Resilience is about rising each time you do and adapting with the newfound wisdom.
